HAPPY NEW YEAR!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! I honestly can’t believe that it’s 2016 already! Where did the time even go? Ok so this will only be a short post because I just wanted to wish everyone a successful, happy and full-of-adventure 2016 to come (amongst other things)! Also to let you know that with the new year, I’ve decided to change up my layout and personalise it a lot more. I’m looking forward to what this year is going to bring (blog wise and life wise), so I hope that you are too!

NYE from Sydney

For me personally, I just have a good feeling about this year. I’ve told myself that this is the year where I’ll be doing what I want to and not because someone has told me to do it, or because it will ‘look good on the resume’ (although if it’s something I want to do and I can put it on my resume all the better). Last year was definitely a year of firsts, and this year I just want to experience everything with a new, refreshed and more mature perspective. I’m ready to just enjoy myself and chase things that I am passionate about. This blog for instance was kind of neglected last year, but this year I hope to write more and post more. It’s less about the maintenance of this site, but for my personal log book of what I have experienced, of outfits I am excited to showcase and everything in between. I honestly think this will be a great way for me to reflect and develop as a stronger and more independent person.

Second of all, I want to pursue music more seriously. For example, last week, a friend and I got together to compose my (and one of many of his) first songs! It needs a bit of fine tuning and adjustment but I can’t wait to fully record it and reveal it to friends hehe. But I have to say, that being able to work with someone so passionate about music and guitar playing as I am, was so much fun and quite a new challenge that I can’t wait to tackle again (seriously composing and coming up with the right lyrics to go with the chords is haaaard). And one day, I hope to compose some songs by myself too! But that will be a while off; my guitar skills need some work hehe.

Thirdly, I hope to do some more travelling this year or next year. I’m aiming to work and save as much as I can for a trip to Japan and Korea soon. For those who know me and for those who don’t, I am quite a big fan of anything Korean-pop and fashion related, so a trip (solo or with friends) to the capital of where my favourite K-pop groups originate from would change my life hahaha. In addition, I would love to be proficient in the Korean language this year too! I know that it’ll be a while before this happens, but I’m more than determined to pursue this. I’ll keep you updated as I go along!

So as the first day of 2016 comes to an end, I want to wish everyone another amazing year to come, go chase your dreams and make this year, yours!

New post coming soon!

JUST DO IT.

So I think I’m just going to stop apologising for not posting often, because as everyone knows and human nature would have it, procrastination is inevitable and it will strike at the most inopportune moments.

I have successfully cleaned my room, cleared my desk, organised my bookshelf (as well as I can) and basically done everything else  other than the essay I have due soon. I’ve even done my notes, and other assignments before it because essays just take too long and too much effort to do. I know this is a terrible habit, and maybe it’s one that I’ve continued on from High School English, but me and essays just do not work out. It’s a one way relationship. Me being the one who puts all the effort in and receives nothing, except maybe being left with the satisfaction that once it’s done I never have to worry/talk about it again.

I know essays are meant to have critical analysis which isn’t too hard  to achieve as long as you support your arguments, so I don’t see why they’re so hard to start. I keep hoping that I will be struck with inspiration and I’ll be able to write it all in one go. Then editing and footnoot-ing and bibliography-ing will come easily.

But why is it that starting is always the struggle? And it’s not just essays that this trait pertains to. It’s there when you’re trying to start a new routine (eating healthier or exercising for me at least), it’s there when you’re trying to start getting out of bed and ready for work, it’s there when you know there’s something better and more interesting to do.

I think it all comes down to how we’re feeling in the moment. For example you might be super pumped and ready to start and you’ll do it and everything works out nice and dandy. Then you have those moments where sleeping or eating or reading the ‘terms and conditions’ of that new program you downloaded just seem more worth your time. Unfortunately this is me 90% of the time. Hi my name is Jessica and I suffer from chronic procrastination.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I achieve so much when I procrastinate, like doing things I’ve been putting off because it wasn’t the right time then. But even I know this is a habit I will have to change. I want to turn that 90% to 10%. Because realistically, no one is never going to not procrastinate HAHA

So here’s my plan: I’m going to write out realistic tasks for myself to do each morning for the day ahead. I’m going to make sure I only focus on that one task during the time I’ve allocated for it and close any unnecessary tabs on my browser if I’m working on my laptop. I’m going to situate myself in a quiet area where I won’t be disturbed or distracted. I’m going to position myself as far away from my phone and the FRIDGE as possible (but give myself little breaks too, like a stretch or making a smoothie). And I’m going to pray. I’m going to pray a short prayer to God to give me strength to complete the task at hand and to stay focused.

I know it’s not going to be easy to change my ways, but I know it will never get easier unless I start small and I start now. These are healthy habits I want to develop and carry with me through my life, especially since I plan to move out at the end of my degree. So hopefully you’ll see an update from me sooner rather than later… Because that will mean I’m still procrastinating from this essay HAHA just kidding! It’ll be because I’ve sorted out my priorities and I know how my time should be dedicated to certain tasks. And to finish this Midnight Musing for tonight, here’s some inspirational words spoken by the wise man Shia LaBeouf himself, “Don’t let your dreams be dreams” “yesterday you said today” so  now I guess I have no choice but to “JUST DO IT!”

Too Long (A ‘Review’ of My First Semester at University)

I know, and you know, that it has been too long since I last posted here. And for that reason, I am very sorry!

The first semester of university has finally finished and I can say I have successfully ‘survived’ the trials and tribulations of familiarising myself with the quickest route to get from the station to my lecture, where the ‘cool’ places are to hang out and grab food during the breaks between classes, how to make friends again and keeping up with homework and assignments without the constant reminders that I was given back in high school.

Some say making the transition from high school to uni is not only hard but a major change. You’re no longer pampered with the luxury of having teachers who care about your personal development or have the time to personally review any work you want feedback on. It’s not hard to imagine why this would be the case though, what with a cohort (especially in my business cohort) that is more than 10 times the size of my year 12 grade, I would be lucky if my tutor remembered I was actually enrolled in their class! Along with the different teaching styles, I think it’s worth mentioning the work load here at uni compared to the final year of high school. I wouldn’t say that it’s all that different (in my perspective). You have your weekly classes, you have your homework that you’re expected to do for the tutorials and you have lectures that you can choose to attend or view online (if you’re lucky). The effort to stay on top of everything has stayed the same, but the level of enthusiasm and motivation to do the work has certainly changed if you’re doing a degree that you specifically chose and are actually excited about doing.

I loved learning about business processes and the business environment during my HSC (final year of high school), so naturally I have been loving the business half of my degree. The law part of my degree is another story. Maybe the reason is because I started my Foundations of Law subject without knowing anyone in my class and having a tutor that didn’t really captivate me. It’s also not set out as your typical lecture and tutorial session for a subject, rather it was a twice-a-week discussion class that required active participation. I was very out of my depth entering into the subject, having no prior knowledge about the legal system (except where it applied to businesses) and little to no interest in the law in general. As the semester progressed, I realised that I was prioritising my business subjects over my one law subject and that I was only looking for a credit whereas my business subjects I was certainly aiming for a distinction or higher. That’s another thing I want to point out. Coming from a high school that emphasised the importance of striving to do your best both academically and character wise, entering into an environment where most of the students were only aiming for passes definitely threw me off. I personally set myself high goals and learning how to improve to get those high marks is what drives me. But of course there are times when all you can do is hope you’ve done the best you can. Even if that best is just a pass. That is how I felt with Foundations. I wasn’t interested in what I was learning. And I could tell there was a very obvious difference between my friends who were passionate about the law and pursuing a career down that path, and me who was more passionate about entering into a corporate job, with my blazer and pencil skirt, financial reports at the ready. But hopefully my interest can be piqued in someway as I continue on with my subjects.

Aside from the academic point of view, university has been a lot about opening myself to new experiences such as getting involved with orientation camps, drinking for the first time, partying, making new friends and learning to be somewhat independent. I realise now that I’m more inclined to stay out, get my work done at uni, catch up with friends over lunch and eat dinner rather than come back home straight away like I did during high school. While this is all fun, it is also a bit draining, what with living close to an hour away from the city. However, it does have its positives, I think an hour’s train trip isn’t too bad (on one straight train, gives me time to catch up on readings I should have done the night before).

But in saying the above activities, I’m not as social as I make myself seem to be. It takes time to develop a close bond with any one person, especially with people you’ve only known for a few months. Heck I can confidently say it took me a few solid years, random shenanigans in class and fun teasing to be as comfortable with my high school biffles as I am now *SHOUT OUT TO THE ALMIGHTY HIERARCHY* and I am eternally grateful for them because I know we’ll always have each other’s backs. But at uni, how does one even begin to form bonds as strong as that? Sure you make friends that you sit with in tutorials and lectures, but you only see them once a week. It seems like a strictly in-class friendship with nothing extending past the classroom. There is a need to put in extra effort to maintain any connection until you get to the point where you’re arranging classes together for the next semester, texting each other to go out on coffee runs. And I feel as if that is still a while away for me. In this situation, anyone would say to join a society you’re passionate about, you’ll be able to make a lot of new friends with similar interests as you in that way. And to that extent I can agree. But yet I feel as if the way I’m trying to make friends is forced. I’m not fully myself, I don’t really fit in. Not yet anyway. I’m finding it much harder to get involved here at uni than it was for me to get involved back in high school. Probably for the same reason that there’s less structure at uni, you go and find opportunities by yourself and you don’t have the constant support of teachers or friends helping you along the way.

Uni is what you make it. So this is a message to me, that by the end of next semester, I’ll be able to look back on this post and say hey, yes I had my doubts and my fears about getting involved and not yet finding the right group of people that I click with, but at least I tried my best. I will have joined and actively participated in a society I am passionate about and made new friends and a more positive, confident outlook on my university life. That is my plan, my goal, my vision. And I’m going to make it happen.

Ciao for now, new outfit posts coming real soon xx

Ready, Set, Go!

And here we are, at the start of my very own blog! At this very moment, it feels as if I have no thoughts, yet also a million new ideas racing through my mind all at once. It’s a case of knowing what I want to say, but not knowing how to say it. So I’ll start with what is probably the most recent (and worthwhile to mention) memory that I have.

The road ahead is ‘thiiiis big’

So, recently, I went on a trip to the West Coast of America with my family, where we visited all the usual tourist places like San Francisco, the theme parks in LA and even the Grand Canyon. It was indeed a lovely, relaxing breather from the busy and stressful lifestyle I had lived while undertaking my final years at High School. It’s hard to believe, now that I look back on it, that all the knowledge I had accumulated over the past few years had basically been leading up to a single period of examinations that now seem so trivial and small in the grand scheme of things. For example, when will I ever again need to know how ‘belonging’ is represented in a text? The answer, I don’t.

Of course, while going through that period, I thought that what I was doing was a complete waste of my energy and time. It was simply just another reason for me to stress out about how ‘perfect’ my essay needed to be before I could hand it in, not even to get a mark that was worth anything, but to just be given advice on. Looking back on it now, I can finally laugh. I can breathe. In fact, I can see that there were indeed skills I had developed without even knowing. For instance, how to analyse a text or knowing how soap is made or even learning how everything in an economy is related. Though slow to acknowledge it, I actually came to enjoy the subjects I was studying and craved more knowledge (just without the exam part of it). And seriously, this yearning to learn more things and broaden my experiences and understanding of the world has only grown. Which made choosing a university course that much harder to do.

“What do you want to do when you grow up?” That was the question most of my relatives would ask whenever I saw them at annual Christmas dinners or at casual lunches. I still remember how I would reply, “my parents say I should be a lawyer, because I argue with them a lot,” or I would mention the dream I had of one day becoming the first female Prime Minister of Australia. Has wanting to become a lawyer changed? It certainly has. As do all decisions we make. They change as our view on things change. They are as fluid as the thoughts that run through our minds day and night. They can be, and will be influenced by any little thing. All I know now is, that I want to pursue a career within the business industry with a bit of psychology thrown on the side, or even a bit of medical science, and maybe information technology. But of course I can’t do all that (not all in one go anyway).

So here I am, about to start a Commerce/Law degree. The law part of it is there because my parents say it’ll help me to be more competitive come recruitment time. Is it something I had originally planned to do? The answer? No. During my final year of high school, I had even convinced myself that I wanted nothing to do with law.

Even now as I am older, I still ask myself a variation of the same question above. However, it’s no longer what I want to do when I grow up but what career will I pursue? Will it be successful? Will I be happy?

Having recently had to think about what university courses I wanted to do, I seriously pondered whether I was pursuing something that I wanted to do, or if I was just following that path because it was something that I thought would make my parents proud. Part of that university/future planning involved spending so much of my time and energy writing up applications, going to interviews, getting short-listed and basically making it to the final stage, before being told that I hadn’t been offered a spot i.e. rejection.

It’s hard to swallow; rejection. I would know. After putting in so much effort and really making everything ‘perfect’, of course it’s going to sap your energy and your spirits. But I’m slowly learning to see that really, “when one door closes, another opens.”  I thought I knew what I wanted to do while attending those interviews. I thought that with all the hard work I put in, it was bound to pay off. And sometimes your hard work will surprise you, and open up more possibilities that you might not have even considered before. Yet at the same time, what you thought would happen, might possibly not be your reality.

After really talking to my mum (who is my rock and my guide), she allowed me to see that it’s not the end. Everyday people get rejected from their dream job, or from something they thought they had a chance in. But it’s not the end. There are always other ways of getting there, as long as you put in the effort and keep moving forward and learn from your mistakes. Sure, it’ll take you a bit longer than originally planned, but the destination will be the same. And who knows, maybe along the way, you’ll learn a new language, meet new friends, gain some independence and come out a better person in the end. And maybe that’s just the outlook I have to take on now.

Even though I still want to learn everything possible, I’m also trying to remind myself to “never say no” to something until I’ve tried it. So I’m glad to say now, that I am in fact excited about going to uni and giving law a try. I’m going to do my best and even then, if I don’t like it, I can always change to something else. I’m an adult now, so no one can stop me, but me. I just need to keep an open mind and look at things from a wider perspective. The whole world is literally there for me to explore.

So I guess what I’m trying to say with this first blog post of mine (probably more to myself than anyone else), is that nothing will happen unless you make it happen. Don’t be afraid of trying new things, or thinking about what others might say. Give it your best shot and really look beyond what is there in just black and white, because there is so much more to see. All that’s left now, is simply a matter of saying “I’m ready, I’m set, so let’s go!”