And here we are, at the start of my very own blog! At this very moment, it feels as if I have no thoughts, yet also a million new ideas racing through my mind all at once. It’s a case of knowing what I want to say, but not knowing how to say it. So I’ll start with what is probably the most recent (and worthwhile to mention) memory that I have.
The road ahead is ‘thiiiis big’
So, recently, I went on a trip to the West Coast of America with my family, where we visited all the usual tourist places like San Francisco, the theme parks in LA and even the Grand Canyon. It was indeed a lovely, relaxing breather from the busy and stressful lifestyle I had lived while undertaking my final years at High School. It’s hard to believe, now that I look back on it, that all the knowledge I had accumulated over the past few years had basically been leading up to a single period of examinations that now seem so trivial and small in the grand scheme of things. For example, when will I ever again need to know how ‘belonging’ is represented in a text? The answer, I don’t.
Of course, while going through that period, I thought that what I was doing was a complete waste of my energy and time. It was simply just another reason for me to stress out about how ‘perfect’ my essay needed to be before I could hand it in, not even to get a mark that was worth anything, but to just be given advice on. Looking back on it now, I can finally laugh. I can breathe. In fact, I can see that there were indeed skills I had developed without even knowing. For instance, how to analyse a text or knowing how soap is made or even learning how everything in an economy is related. Though slow to acknowledge it, I actually came to enjoy the subjects I was studying and craved more knowledge (just without the exam part of it). And seriously, this yearning to learn more things and broaden my experiences and understanding of the world has only grown. Which made choosing a university course that much harder to do.
“What do you want to do when you grow up?” That was the question most of my relatives would ask whenever I saw them at annual Christmas dinners or at casual lunches. I still remember how I would reply, “my parents say I should be a lawyer, because I argue with them a lot,” or I would mention the dream I had of one day becoming the first female Prime Minister of Australia. Has wanting to become a lawyer changed? It certainly has. As do all decisions we make. They change as our view on things change. They are as fluid as the thoughts that run through our minds day and night. They can be, and will be influenced by any little thing. All I know now is, that I want to pursue a career within the business industry with a bit of psychology thrown on the side, or even a bit of medical science, and maybe information technology. But of course I can’t do all that (not all in one go anyway).
So here I am, about to start a Commerce/Law degree. The law part of it is there because my parents say it’ll help me to be more competitive come recruitment time. Is it something I had originally planned to do? The answer? No. During my final year of high school, I had even convinced myself that I wanted nothing to do with law.
Even now as I am older, I still ask myself a variation of the same question above. However, it’s no longer what I want to do when I grow up but what career will I pursue? Will it be successful? Will I be happy?
Having recently had to think about what university courses I wanted to do, I seriously pondered whether I was pursuing something that I wanted to do, or if I was just following that path because it was something that I thought would make my parents proud. Part of that university/future planning involved spending so much of my time and energy writing up applications, going to interviews, getting short-listed and basically making it to the final stage, before being told that I hadn’t been offered a spot i.e. rejection.
It’s hard to swallow; rejection. I would know. After putting in so much effort and really making everything ‘perfect’, of course it’s going to sap your energy and your spirits. But I’m slowly learning to see that really, “when one door closes, another opens.” I thought I knew what I wanted to do while attending those interviews. I thought that with all the hard work I put in, it was bound to pay off. And sometimes your hard work will surprise you, and open up more possibilities that you might not have even considered before. Yet at the same time, what you thought would happen, might possibly not be your reality.
After really talking to my mum (who is my rock and my guide), she allowed me to see that it’s not the end. Everyday people get rejected from their dream job, or from something they thought they had a chance in. But it’s not the end. There are always other ways of getting there, as long as you put in the effort and keep moving forward and learn from your mistakes. Sure, it’ll take you a bit longer than originally planned, but the destination will be the same. And who knows, maybe along the way, you’ll learn a new language, meet new friends, gain some independence and come out a better person in the end. And maybe that’s just the outlook I have to take on now.
Even though I still want to learn everything possible, I’m also trying to remind myself to “never say no” to something until I’ve tried it. So I’m glad to say now, that I am in fact excited about going to uni and giving law a try. I’m going to do my best and even then, if I don’t like it, I can always change to something else. I’m an adult now, so no one can stop me, but me. I just need to keep an open mind and look at things from a wider perspective. The whole world is literally there for me to explore.
So I guess what I’m trying to say with this first blog post of mine (probably more to myself than anyone else), is that nothing will happen unless you make it happen. Don’t be afraid of trying new things, or thinking about what others might say. Give it your best shot and really look beyond what is there in just black and white, because there is so much more to see. All that’s left now, is simply a matter of saying “I’m ready, I’m set, so let’s go!”
Simply Stylistic 